I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
