Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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