I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
