i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
