He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
