Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
