I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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