When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
