wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
