yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
