went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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