Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
