member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
