hotel room ftw
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
