Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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