i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
