How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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