I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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