Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
pop tarts are not kleenex
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
