I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
