I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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