I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
