I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
