Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
