Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
