If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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