u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
