some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
