would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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