So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
