My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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