were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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