I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
