That's intense
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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