I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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