i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
