At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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