Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
