I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You are a genius and a whore.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
