rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
