She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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