her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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