She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
