im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Drunk is not a location!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
