she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
