I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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