After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
