I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
