just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
