i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
