Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
