you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
