I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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