During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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